On Pain and Metaphors

Much as I have found I need the outlet that this blog provides me, I have also discovered that some of the things I need to let out are so intensely painful to even contemplate that I need to stop and step away mid-draft multiple times.

I often speak here in metaphors, mostly because I find it easier to express the concepts and ideas using parallels that are easier to describe.  Often I have a concept to express that I don't know the words for, if those words even exist, and it is faster and more efficient to express it in a metaphor than to research if the words to directly express the concept exist in the first place.  A side effect is some insulation from the direct concept, at least for those that don't directly know what I am talking about.  I am finding that the metaphors, while making the words themselves flow more easily, don't insulate me at all from the pain the concept brings with it.

One of the drafts in progress has less than ten words saved.  A simple reminder to me of what this particular draft is about...  A reminder that even those who know me personally and know the situation would still probably not be able to discern what I am reminding myself of...  And those few words have brought me to tears twice just opening the draft to remind myself of what this currently nameless draft is going to be about...

--- The Dancer in the Shadows